The holiday's bring fond memories, fun, joy and usually some simultaneous stress. Time spent with family, friends and perhaps strangers. Time spent with others can bring out the best or worst in us. We smile, give gifts and good wishes, whilst inside we may be feeling obligated, even irritated at having to put forth the effort when that is not really what we are feeling inside.
If you stand in judgement you can always find something wrong, the weather, the food, people's clothing or choice of word's. Whatever it is you can't win with your inner judge, it even judges itself for judging. It is like driving a wedge into the gentle fabric of the unconscious mind. Any feelings of love, joy, relaxation that you may have been feeling disappear.
Whether you judge yourself or others, you cannot do so without aiming those judgements in your own direction. In fact it is those faults we judge most harshly in others that usually turn out to be our own negatives projected outward.
TOXIC JUDGE
Letting our inner judge out can give us a quick jolt of superiority. We feel smarter when we yield our insight or point out a parent's mistakes or the presumption of friends, teachers and bosses. Judgement gives us a sense of justice, sympathy for the underdog, righting a wrong. For many judgement is a kind of emotional caffeine, a way of waking our passive self.
We must move from judgement to discernment (viveka) which ultimately allows us to make decisions about what is truly important to us, what will really make us happy and which of our competing inner voices is important. So how do we discern discernment from judgement? How do we sense something wrong without disliking someone, without becoming negative? How do we change our own traits, fears, resistance without standing in judgement for having them?
EGO MANIA
Judgement and discernment are entirely different levels of the psyche. According to Yogic psychology discernment (buddhi-"intellect") is the higher mind, our inner self observing our own decision about what we do or do not value. It is the awareness, insight not thoughts or emotions. Judgement (ahamkara) is the ego, the psyche identifying "Me" with the body, personality and opinions. Ego has it's uses, it creates boundaries for the sense of "I" which enables us to live as individuals. But, it also steps outside that creating blocks that keep us distant from the connectedness of joy and freedom found in our core. Our natural self (which is like a snowflake, simply unique, our own personal expression of energy)
If we learn to practice "Selfless Gratitude", the mindful practice of gratitude, a powerful practice with the least sacrifice, we feel constantly connected to life and the bigger picture in which our life unfolds. Cultivating thankfulness for life is a constant feeling of being blessed, not like winning the lottery, but a real appreciation of the nature of life, building the capacity for forgiveness and clarity of mind, spiritual development. This does not deny life's difficulties. You will continue to experience many challenges, uncertainties and disappointments. It enables you to live life, allowing for access to the joy and wonderment of life, which is the antidote to feelings of loss and scarcity. Allowing you to greet life's challenges with an open heart.
Practicing gratitude frees you to meet life in each moment.
"In everything give thanks"-Paul, Bible,
even what seems unfortunate may turn out to be an unforeseen blessing.
SELFLESS GRATITUDE
Count your blessings, acknowledge appreciation of things going well in your life then the things for which your are grateful that have you contracted physically or emotionally. Respond to these difficult situations by saying "Yes this is terrible and I am grateful that I have a strong body and mind which knows that I can deal with it."
Reflect on time-based gratitude. What happened to gratitude you felt in the past? Where did it go? Is gratitude dependant on feeling good? Is your gratitude contingent upon exchange, as long as you feel good you are grateful? This is an emotional demand on the universe.
Practice gratefulness for family, friends, teachers those who help keep you comfortable, informed, empowered. Take a moment to note those who invisibly serve you by providing food, medicine, safety, information. The grocer, employer, security company, librarian, hairdresser. The list is endless.
Make a list of things you are grateful for. How long is it? 10, 20, 100, 500 items? you probably include health, family, friends, but do you include basics safe place to sleep, air, water, food? What about blue skies, child's laughter, warm touch, smell of spring, that morning cup of coffee?
Reflective meditation carries us beyond the superficial to a deeper experience of our life unfolding moment by moment.
The next step is being grateful throughout your regular day. Stuck in traffic? be grateful you have transportation. This may not help the bad mood, but it will help you to see the true situation of your life. This then gets you to the "gratitude ratio" Do you experience the good things in true proportion to the bad? Do bad things receive an undue amount of your attention? Are you defined by emotional reactions that are unimportant?
Real gratitude is the appreciation for all that which comes into your life. From this springs a natural, spontaneous emotion "Gratitude" which often leads to generosity.
Reflect on this: You with all your flaws, have been chosen to taste life, to know what it is and to make it your own. The gift of life is grace, even when you face great difficulty.
"This moment is like this" However you find life--kind or cruel, joyous or sorrowful, filled with love or indifferent, you have the privilege of knowing it.
Gratitude for the grace of conscious embodiment evolves to the practice of "Selfless Gratitude" , in which you shift your concern from yourself and loved ones to about all living beings, when this occurs, you judge less, you need less. It is not that you would not prefer good things, but your well being no longer depends on external circumstances. You can rejoice that there is joy amongst the sufferings.
"This is Grace"
When in grace, all things we found to be judgemental about, disappear. There is no judgement in grace.
Namaste
"Nama" means "bow"
" as " means " I "
" te " means " you"
"I bow to you"
"The divine in me bows to the divine in you"
Excerpts from columnist Phillip Moffit - Lifebalance
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