Having never been baptised and having lived a life with no religious denomination it brought me to thinking of my reason for finding my way to Yoga.
Generally people start to exercise to maintain their physique or more reasonably than not due to some risky health issues, obesity, heart health, mobility. People turn to the medical profession for mental health issues, depression, anxiety, fatigue. People turn to their church or religion for their spiritual health and growth.
The trinity of three; the Body, the Mind and the Spirit.
I came to Yoga for all three.
Physically out of shape after giving birth to and breastfeeding 3 babies for 6 years.
Going from being an independent, self-sufficient working women to being stay at home mom, 24/7, 365 days a year for 9 years, and having no church or religious faith to lean on I was flailing in the wind. A tree that was trying to stand tall, being violently thrashed about by everyday events and was afraid that the roots where not strong enough to keep me grounded.
Coming into Yoga was a slow process for me. I was physically, emotionally and spiritually out of shape, unconnected and my time frame for even a few moments of calm and introspection, let alone a workout for myself were few and far between. I was still breastfeeding and still had 3 little ones who required constant loving, attention and care for almost their every need. This is hard on even the best of days and I had those, but on those days when your energy is just about to give out, when you are feeling alone, overburdened and just plain empty it can be overwhelming. Anyone who is a parent or has been a caregiver for any other understands exactly what I mean.
At first the Yoga was a physical exercise I turned to to help regain core strength, regain the mobility of my back and hips and shed the excess pounds that I could not get rid of due to improper eating habits and lack of sleep. As I said it was a slow process, I passed up a $5 yoga book the first time around and then upon seeing it again I took it home, waited for everyone to go to sleep and then in the middle of the night, in the middle of my stairwell foyer I began to try to wrap myself into a pretzel, unsuccessfully I might add. But I was determined and just like my stubbornness (which would eventually be dealt with on my mat) once I set my mind to something, generally there is no turning back. I would practice for a couple of weeks then there would be a few weeks of nothing, then I would find myself back at it and it went on this way for a while, especially as my kids where still young and everyone else`s needs seemed to be of priority over my own.
Then my family experienced a move and along with that move many other changes and some stressful family dynamics. Soon after the move I became increasingly despondent, emotional and disconnected. I saw it happening, I realized I was on a downward spiral, but my hormones where freaking out, as after 6 years of birthing and breastfeeding my body was finally coming back to being my own and I thought it was just a phase. At the same time I experienced some challenging events that even the stablest of individuals would find overwhelming and here I was still responsible for saving the world (at least that was my vision of myself as I saw it through the eyes of my children, spouse and everyone else in the world). I could not admit that my ship was sinking, but even worse was that the whole time I wasn't sure if there was anyone or anything that could help. In my attempt to stay afloat, my decision making process became questionable. I continued to take care of my children, but the happiness of spirit with which I had brought them into the world was fading. I tried to put on a good face but they saw the cracks, they felt the hurt and they saw that I was barely staying afloat. A hard place for any child to be, I know I've been there.
I finally realized it was time I did something about it before it was too late. It came in the mail box, out of the blue and I contacted her right away, a timely opportunity presented just at the right time. She came into work with me in my home one and one and it was then and there, down on my Yoga mat where I did some of the hardest work, working to bring my physical, mental and spiritual well being back on board that I finally broke through. There were moments of bliss that healed my body, nourished my mind and soothed my soul as it had never experienced before. I experienced true connection of the trinity; union of body, mind and spirit and gained an understanding of their connection not only to each other and within but also externally to the universe around us and our connection to our higher purpose, the Divine.
I have always believed in a higher purpose, a beacon of light watching over us, that there are way too many beautiful, wondrous and uplifting experiences within our lives to not feel the presence and warmth of a loving, kind and gracious force that watches over us and pulls us through even our darkest of days. I am always brought back to the poem Footprint's in which a follower asks the Lord. "Lord why when I am at my lowest and loneliest point are there only one set of footprints?" feeling the Lord has left him to carry the burden on his own only to be told "My son, that was when I carried you."
It is hard for us to feel or believe in moments that are stressful, painful or in any way not pleasurable that we are being carried through, there is a wonderful poem by the essestial Rumhi called `The Guest House`;
``This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they`re a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of it`s furniture still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.``
The essential Rhumi
My work on my mat is not done, staying fully in union(Yoga) is a ongoing commitment to the body, mind and spirit, just as in anything we need to continue to exercise to stay fit and strong, we need to continue to bring moments of quiet and introspection to our lives to remain focused, centered and balanced and we need to honor and offer gratitude for the blessing of our life. `Practice makes perfect` and although the illusion of perfection is only and illusion, practice brings strength, clarity and peace to the body, mind and spirit!
So now my effort will be to make sure that my daughter is aware of the presence of the Lord, of the light within and my hope is that she will always know that. And if one day she should be in need, she will know that she is never alone and that all she needs to find herself, to carry herself through, to believe and live and love is within her, ever present in every moment, even those in which we believe we cannot make it through.
Love and Light
Namaste
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