9/11 Inside/Out

'Are' ~ 'We' living in an age where true enlightenment is possible ...

SEPTEMBER 11, 2011 I remember it so clearly ... Pregnant with 2 'little' babies watching as Mommy sat totally still, crying, watching in 'terror' as planes 'crashed', buildings 'crumbled', people "DIED" and the WORLD I knew ... changed forever.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" What do I say? that bad guys just like in Spiderman or Carebears had just hurt thousands of people ... that the WORLD to me seemed to have finally gone crazy and that the fight to control all the WORLD'S resources was up for grabs or that, maybe, people had become so disparaged within their 'own' lives that innocent people had to bear the suffering & the pain of 'their' actions ... What do I say? ... So ... I said  NOTHING and cried some more...I cried on and off for several days, grieving, worrying & contemplating what was instore for our future...THEIR FUTURE.

CHAPTER 10 'TERROR' March/05

In the first years following 9/11, many things changed and yet as is true of many major occurances in this World & in one's life, "life goes on", never the same, changed in many ways ... left with the wondering if the circumstances that led to 9/11 held within the future further unforseen, unforwarned tragedies.  Several years later, now,  with a baby who has grown into a toddler & two toddlers who have grown into children I still feel remnants of the sadness, fear and hopelessness that that day imprinted on my body, mind & soul.
For all 'Man'kind & for those of us who have never encountered bodily harm & the severe emotional & spiritual sufferings at the hands of war, this should be a day that resonates in our hearts, always, as a reminder to be grateful for our freedoms and our good fortune and to aspire to strive to create a WORLD in which 'all' know these freedoms and good fortune.

Excerpt CHAPTER 11 'THE COLLECTIVE MIND' MARCH/05

September 11, 2011

This poem is dedicated to the 'many' who suffered the loss & pain of the events of September 11, 2001

 "NEVER FORGET HOW STRONG YOU ARE, HOW BEAUTIFUL & BRIGHT ... NAMASTE

LOST

Today I feel so lost

The pain was too intense

I wondered what I'm doing here

Nothing made any sense

Why do I feel so insecure

So naked to the world

Why do I feel the need to try

To stop the tears I cry

Go deep within the anger

Go deep within the pain

Go beneath the surface

To truly start again

Don't allow the fear to win

Don't be afraid to feel

Don't be afraid to face your fear

As you will find within

Who and why you have come

To touch upon this world

Who and why you have come

upon which you have been hurled

Your time has come to see yourself

 for who you really are

within your dreams

You'll find yourself

And how you've come so far

DO NOT FORGET HOW STRONG YOU ARE

HOW BEAUTIFUL & BRIGHT

DO NOT FORGET WHO GAVE YOU LIFE

A STAR SHINING EVER BRIGHT

Dec/05

You Take 'my' Breath Away...Namaste

'I am Breath'


During a recent personal practice I came to the 'deep' realization that I am no longer deeply immersed in my own deep, full, natural, rhythmic breath which I worked so hard to 'BE' present in...breathing has once again become a little difficult due to living in and through a  long period of ongoing, chronic stress and tension which have made it difficult to completely relax, release and let 'all' go (so easily) and relax not only into the moment but as well my own breath.

The last year has been the most 'painful and stressfull' of 'my life' and only recently I re-gave up a 'breath taking' old habit that I had beaten & conquered for over 10 years, but once again found myself indulging in...smoking.

I realize now as my Mom was losing her breath, her life...I too was 'un-consciously&consciously' losing it with her.  In the last months of her life I tried so to HELP her get  her breath back 'begging' her to breathe, deep, full breaths, in and out through her 'nose'...she would breathe the breath in but the breath would always come rushing, labourously back out her mouth...that is when it started to settle into my 'Body, Mind & Spirit.'

My mother smoked her entire adult life (until the day she forgot she smoked...) dealing with the ongoing chronich stress, tension, anxiety and dis-ease of Alzheimers with which she had been struggling for many years and of which the last 2 had been 'deeply' distressing for her and my entire family...slowly it was 'taking' her life away from her and us...literally her 'breath', 'prana' & 'life'force were slipping away from us all.

We spent our last times together holding hands, hugging, walking, smiling and I trying to get her to breathe in and out as much as I could as I was not ready to 'let go' of her...I tried to encourage her to breathe and move, trying chair and bed yoga, to no avail...as I have learned through yoga...I had to 'let it go' and 'BE' with her in the 'moment'...it 'all' was what it was and there was no way  for me to force or change the situation.

One of my last days with my Mom, I tried again to do some yoga with her, she slowly mimicked me...
as she lifted one arm above her head, 'smiling' at me she told me that her and my Dad had done some yoga on the weekend  (this a women diagnosed as 'clinically' un-cognitive)... in moments... 'yes'... she may not have been able to tell you the time or find her way back to her own room or remember many things from the past...but, I know as she looked at me through those eyes that she was there, she 'REMEMBERED'
me and although I am not sure whether it was true that she had practiced yoga or not...I am sure that she told me she did because she was proud that I was doing it and she really wanted me to know that....we both smiled at eachother and began to take our walk together as we always did...unfortunately, this day she was highly anxious and restless ...as she had increasingly become in many 'moments' over the last several months and on this particular day just prior to Christmas nothing I 'tried' to do 'with' or 'for' her was of comfort to her
(not even decorating the tiny tree with her favourite angels which I had brought to decorate with her).

I left that day as I had many times before in the months leading up to her passing...giving my Mom as many hugs and kisses as I could, telling her I loved her & would see her soon and waiting till I had turned and walked away before allowing the tears to stream down my face...just far enough away till I could 'let go' and nobody would know.  When I was able to turn back she was waving and blowing kisses, as I drove away and as I waved back hiding beneath my sunglasses, the tears remained to fall.

Looking back now, I understand that at Christmas time (my Mom's favourite of the year) she knew that 'something' was about to change.

I realize I lost a little of my own breath, not when I was told my Mom had passed, but long before that...I see now that as she was slipping away from me in my life...I was losing a bit of my own breath each day...the breath I had worked years to find, my own inner source of peace, calm...my own rhythmic breath so vital to living a whole, happy & healthy life...in my pain & suffering and inability to release and let my Mom go, because I 'loved' her  so... and she was such a big part of who and what I am today and have always been... I realize how much she was truly a part of my balance, my strength... and without her I was sure I would not know who I would 'BE'.

Miss Me, But Let Me Go

When I come to the end of the road
When the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free
Miss me a little, but not too long
Remember the love we once shared
Miss me, but let me go
For this is a journey we all must take,
And each must go alone
It's all part of the masters plan
A step on the road home
when you are lonely and sick at heart
Go to the friends we know
And busy your sorrow in doing good deeds
Miss me, but let me go

I have lived through other experiences of stress, strain, pain through my journey along with many wonderful, peaceful, joyfull ' moments in my life...but none took my breath away as much as the 'letting go' of my Mom.

As I have recently quit smoking, instead of holding onto it as a source of 'failure'...through yoga I understand that for whatever reasons, perceived stress reduction, anger, fear, angst...although it was unhealthy for me... it somehow was where I was at and got me through the 'moment'...that along with the understanding that yoga has taught me MUCH about breath, life and the fullness there of of both...I am doing what I did 10 years ago when yoga first came into my life...I am 'softening' back into my 'self', looking 'forward' to the journey ahead and refinding my 'own' breath...'living' my life in this 'moment' and letting it 'all' go...

'I am Breath'

I am and always will 'BE' my Mother's Daughter.

You breathed me into life
You love me beyond death
You watch over me from afar
'Forever' my 'shining star' lab
44 - 43 = me (HA) ♥ NAMASTE

IQ in a Box

Change the colour of my hair, instantly 81% smarter...wondering where this is coming from...what this 'Blonde' is talking about...this...that somehow, someway...male perception would have it that Blondes are less intelligent than their Brunette

coun·ter·part (kountr-pärt) n.

a. One that closely resembles another.

b. One that has the same functions and characteristics as another; a corresponding person or thing

Having donned (dn) tr.v. don·ning, dons

1. To put on (clothing).
2. To assume or take on:

both colours in 'my' years I can

at·test (-tst) KEY
VERB: at·test·ed, at·test·ing, at·tests
To affirm to be correct, true, or genuine:

to the fact that 'I am' no more or less intelligent with brown or red hair than blonde.

how do I go about comprehending this mind baffling; perception or is it due to my 'lack of intelligence' or my hair colour, by which I do not understand this?

So...how then to
gar·ner (gärnr)
tr.v. gar·nered, gar·ner·ing, gar·ners
1. To amass; acquire. See Synonyms at reap.
2. An accumulation or collection of something.

the answer to this
di·chot·o·my (d-kt-m)
n. pl. di·chot·o·mies
1. Division into two usually contradictory parts or opinions:

 "the dichotomy of the one and the many"

 (Louis Auchincloss).

A little experiment;  IQ in a box...

So...I go brunette and ask 100 men to ask me 100 questions to devise my knowledge...

then head out into the world as a blonde and again ask 100 men to test my
sen·si·bil·i·ty (sns-bl-t)
n. pl. sen·si·bil·i·ties
1. The ability to feel or perceive.
a. Keen intellectual perception
b. Mental or emotional responsiveness toward something
2. Refined awareness and appreciation in matters of feeling.

Would they ask me easier questions cause they believe I am less intelligent? 

that would 'FOIL' my plan (no pun)...Don't ya think?

What do you think?
on that note;
Do women think brunette men are smarter than blond men?

Another 'moment' in the RUDE awakening; of equality...out there, in this `moment`exist a perception that I am not equal to my 'own' brunette counterpart.

Where to go from here?...if I remain Blonde...
must I work 81% harder to prove myself?...
live in the misconception of less intelligence?
left wondering how intelligent or non-intelligent one can be...
if IQ level is determined by the colour in a box...

and having been born a blonde; not sure how the higher intelligence would rule in on this one.

If the colour isn't exactly right?
how smart or dumb may I then 'BE'...

Not I, you see

for I've just recently

gone a shade lighter, to be
even a little bit 'StrawBErry'

 Wonder what the perception of that may be.....'TTROUBLEE'

with a double  T and E

that is how you spell it, right?

To all fellow female counterparts Brunette, Auburn, Jet Black, Pink, Blue, Grey, Platinum Blond

I know you have brains

each and every one

I see who you are

and who you've become

Your beauty, your grace

your intelligence and charm

should be major cause for alarm

For when you set your mind to anything you do you accomplish it because you are 'you'.

Stay strong in your femininity

Hold true to your own 'ROOTS'

Cause Next thing you know

They'll be talking about your BOOTs!

Footnote: this blog was 'en-lightened' by a FB post featuring Victoria secret models and a few HOW TO; HAIR TIPS...
not sure how, the HOW TO fact; that stated 81% of  males believe brunettes to be smarter than blondes is a
HOW TO; hair tip...then again...I am a StrawBErry blond, SO WHAT DO i KNOW...

one thing I am sure of; is that any male counterpart viewing the Victoria Secret photos on the same page weren't 
as·sess (ing) (-ss) KEY TRANSITIVE VERB:

as·sessed, as·sess·ing, as·sess·es
To determine the value, significance, or extent of; appraise

the INTELLIGENCE of the 'Angels' in that 'moment'...
I perceive only 19% of them would KNOW...and that they must be Grey... Namaste